The Fiver | The England job; and 24-inch pythons | Barry Glendenning and John Ashdown

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HODGSON'S CHOICE

It was heart-warming to see one national newspaper liken the FA's surprising decision to overlook 'Arry Redknapp for the England manager's position to its famously steadfast refusal to give it to the late Brian Clough, even while he was still alive. Closer inspection revealed the comparison to be a little bit wishy-washy, however, because if anything, 'Arry is better qualified for the job than Cloughie ever was.

A two-times winner of both Big Cup and the league with fairly small provincial clubs, who lots of England fans emphatically wanted to be put in charge of the national team, Ol' Big 'Ead famously never won the FA Cup. 'Arry, on the other hand, has won it once, which apparently makes him the ideal candidate for the England job, even if the only people the Fiver's heard enthusiastically clamouring for his appointment are assorted chums of his in the media and an increasingly large number of Tottenham Hotspur supporters.

But with 'Arry having been cruelly snubbed, it now looks a racing certainty that face-rubbing, head-banging West Brom gaffer Uncle Roy is set to take the job following talks with FA blazers this afternoon. But if some of the garbage the Fiver heard being spouted by assorted mouth-foamers on the radio is anything to go by, he could become the first England manager to be hounded out of office by an angry mob of pitchfork-wavers before he's even been measured up for his FA blazer.

If the considered views of these erudite folk are to be believed, Uncle Roy is an unsuitable candidate for the England job, because his speciality is getting spectacular results from fairly mediocre players and the world-beaters and tiki-takticians who wear the three lions on their chest deserve to be coached by a guru more worthy of their silky skills and sublime talents. No, really.

Such hogwash aside, even if Roy is the ideal candidate to maximise the slim chances of England's decidedly average rabble getting out of their group in Euro 2012, Hodgson may not be a popular choice in a dressing room top heavy with prima donnas who are unlikely to be taken by his insistence on tying small groups of them together with a long piece of rope and making them sleep, eat, train, attend video briefings and spend their leisure time in rigid banks of four.

With the inconsiderate FA engaging in its usual Fiver-unfriendly tactic of not breaking Big News before we've slithered unenthusiastically into inboxes worldwide, we don't have any quotes from either them or Hodgson with which to pad out this story. But luckily for us, here comes 'Arry Redknapp in his Range Rover and he's pulled up, rolled down the window and stuck his head out to 'ave a word.

"I like Roy, he's a top man," said 'Arry magnanimously. "There are some fantastic players in this country and I'm looking forward to watching the European Championship in the summer. Life is good, I'm a very lucky man." Having reached the pinnacle of his career to date, Roy Hodgson may also consider himself a lucky man. But given the ludicrously high demands of England's more delusional supporters and press-room cheerleaders, it is an emotion that he is unlikely to be feeling for too long.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"20 euros is what your mother costs" – a Rayo Vallecano banner takes aim at the club's decision to force even season-ticket holders to pay for their seats at Saturday night's game at home to Barcelona. Which they lost 7-0.

BELIEVE THE HYPE

City v United. It's big. In fact, it's BIG. It's bigger than Andre the Giant watching the Tom Hanks movie Big in a Humvee. It's bigger than a blue whale reading the BFG on Mount Everest. It's bigger than Sam Allardyce's first plateful at an all you can eat buffet. It's bigger than Dion Dublin's [SNIP! – Fiver Decency Ed]. It's a fixture so monumental in size that it can be seen from space. With the n@ked eye. From Omega Centauri.

Not that you'd think that from listening to Roberto Mancini. The Manchester City manager seems so convinced that the title race is over, that you wonder if he and his side will even bother turning up at the Etihad this evening. Indeed such has been Mancini's pathological determination to deflect pressure from his side that even in the event of a City win it wouldn't be much of a surprise if post-match he denies the very existence of a title race, the Premier League and football itself with a half-smirk and a diffident hand gesture.

United, being as used to pressure as a giant isopod with a particularly stressful job in deep-sea bomb disposal, have been happy to crank it up. "There is no mistaking that this is a massive game and the biggest in recent times," roared Ryan Giggs, flexing his 24-inch pythons and staring wildly into the camera. "We realise it's a big game but as a player you're used to it and, as a United player, we're definitely used to it."

But this is something different, something that even the octogenarian Giggs can't have experienced before: the Johnson-shrivelling tension of a derby coupled with the sky-high stakes of a title-decider, marinated in history, coated in thrills, sprinkled with thrills and slathered in more hype than a Jim White transfer deadline day appearance.

It's going to be 0-0, isn't it?

• Join Barry Glendenning from 7.30pm for live MBM coverage of Manchester City 0-0 Manchester United.

FIVER LETTERS

"People criticising the FA's choice of Roy on the basis of his time at Anfield need to understand that he was only seen as a failure there because thousands of deluded fans living on past glories had ridiculous expectations that he could deliver silverware with a squad containing a couple of decent players, surrounded by a bunch of overrated mediocrities. Ah" – Simon Cherry.

"I'm annoying even myself in writing this but 'St James' Park' (Friday's bits and bobs) is not correctly punctuated. James may end in s but it is singular rather than plural, hence the correct punctuation would be 'St James's'. Or, to simplify, 'Big Mike's cheap tracksuits two for a paaahnd dot com arena'" – Rob Farquharson.

"Can anyone explain why there's an apostrophe in there at all? If it were the Park belonging or pertaining to St James, it would properly be called 'St James's Park'. It must therefore be the Park in the St James area – in which case, there's no need for the apostrophe at all, as in 'I went down to the St James Infirmary'. Which is probably not a bad idea, considering the brain damage involved in constructing this correspondence. Even if there were a St Jame … no, enough" – Steve Bennett.

"If the Geordies are so exercised by the name change, why doesn't the local council just rename the immediate area, St James' Park [Aarrrgh – Fiver Ed]. Then the address would be Sports Direct Arena, St James' Park, Newcastle – problem solved. Or am I missing something?" – Haydn Pyatt.

"Whether or not you think the reasons behind it were justified, daft or otherwise, can we at least have a shout out to the Pope's O'Rangers support for defying convention and staging a protest walk not from a pub they were going to be in anyway to a match they were going to anyway? This may well be the first non-pub-we-were-in-to-match-we-were-going-to-anyway march in British Football history (post 1992, of course, when football began)" – David Edgar.

Send your letters to the.boss@guardian.co.uk. And if you've nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver.

BITS AND BOBS

Lukas Podolski will be agitating for a move from the Emirates in three years' time after confirming he will move to Arsenal from FC Koln in the summer.

In the most unsurprising development since Den and Angie Watts got back together for the 47th time, Carlos Tevez has declared his wish to stay at Manchester City in the long term.

Stoke's Jermaine Pennant has been charged with drink-driving, driving while disqualified and having no insurance after his BMW collided with a silver Audi in Sale.

And Fabrice Muamba may be at the Reebok Stadium on Wednesday to watch Bolton play Spurs.

STILL WANT MORE?

Want to man up and do manly apologies like England's Brave John Terry? Then you'd better read Five Things We Learned From Watching Football This Weekend.

In our big pre-derby interview, Micah Richards inexplicably overlooks Stuart Pearce while announcing that Sir Alex Ferguson is the greatest manager of all time.

Michael Cox has some chalk and a board, and he's not afraid to use them: here's his tactical preview of the Manchester derby.

If you think words are a bit pretentious, why not have a look at our gallery of the 2011-12 title race? It's got words in it too, but you can ignore those.

Heard the one about the goddess who was dressed up with nowhere to go? Then you'd better read Sid Lowe's La Liga round-up.

And Paolo Bandini ain't 'fraid o' no ghost whistles, but Lazio might be after a remarkable incident this weekend.